Finding Your Passion

"Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.”

A long time ago I used to honestly think that I was flaky and indecisive because I couldn’t find that one true thing that I was passionate about.  I would worry, get frustrated and look for signs in everything, it was making me miserable!!


Now I believe that it’s just a curiosity. A curiosity of life, learning, loving and growing.  I’ve tried many things that become my passion and then it dissipates. I’ve done it in work, life, health, every facet of my life (except love) I now know that it doesn’t mean failure.

Sometimes our passion sneaks up on us. It may have been there all along, but was hiding. Life is about doing what you absolutely love, in every sense of the word.  If you don’t know what that is, relax, be still, and see what direction life moves you.  Finding our passion is not in our control. What we can do now is get our lives on track, get rid of areas of unhappiness and confusion, and let go of ideas about how our lives should be.


When I started Kiki’s Kitchen almost a year ago I had no idea what I was doing, literally.  I didn’t care because it was about me and for me. I can’t even truly explain how it happened. There was no fear or uncertainty.  I knew I could learn as I go just like in life!  It started as an idea, but even more than that.  A burning desire that I needed to help others like me by sharing what I knew through experience, even the small things like gluten free recipes and products.  Hey, wait a minute…I think I may have found my passion!!!!


"Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.”

Accept the things I cannot change...

I’ve had a rough go at it for a while now with many different diagnosis.  First, Crohn’s Disease, then it was Celiac Disease but no Crohn’s.  Thirdly, it was both Crohn’s and Celiac disease which now brings me to the most recent diagnosis.  Celiac Disease and IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) I’m exhausted  emotionally and physically!!  After learning to cope over and over again for many years, I am once again wearing that hat.  Living with a chronic health condition presents many challenges. Learning how to meet those challenges is a process — it doesn't happen right away. I can contest to that!

But understanding more about your condition, and doing your part to manage it, can help you deal with the challenge and make it easier.  Many people find that taking an active part in the care of a chronic health condition can help them feel stronger and better equipped to deal with lots of life's ups and downs.  Attitude is everything!!

Most people go through stages in learning to cope with a chronic illness, whatever that illness may be. Someone who has just been diagnosed with a health condition might feel many things.  Some people feel confused, and worried about their health, the future and how their life will change.  For others, the situation seems unfair, causing them to feel sad, angry at themselves and those they love. I’ve felt every one of those at different times.  These feelings are all part of the coping and healing process.  Everyone's reaction is different, but they're all entirely normal.

I’ve said this before, knowledge is power.  The more you find out about your condition, the more you will feel in control and the less scary it is. Learning to live with illness is all about accepting.  Accepting the things you cannot change and living your life to the fullest.  Develop a plan with your Doctor and take action to get yourself feeling better-NOW.  However that may be, diet modifications, stress management.  It all depends on what illness it is that you have or the challenges that you are facing ahead. 

“Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.”

Confessions of a Recovering Anorexic

After leaving my Naturopaths office I am supposed to feel like my situation is not hopeless, that I will eventually be able to lead a somewhat normal life when it comes to food.  I guess I feel optmisstic to some degree but I also feel this wave of sadness and despair come over me.  I sat down with a complete stranger for over an hour and confessed all of my eating habits, past and present and feel this overwhelming guilt flood me.  Am I being punished for those many years of starving myself?  Now that I desperately want to eat and be healthy the universe is turning its back on me.

I suppose I am feeling panicked because I am suddenly back to those days of restrictions that I lived many years ago but this time it’s not my choice.  Dealing with chronic IBS and celiac disease has me keeping away from many foods such as gluten, dairy, meat, raw vegetables, alcohol and caffeine to name a few.  I hate restrictions!!  They are not good for recovering anorexics.   I am terrified that I may slip back into old ways because in my opinion anorexic tendencies seem to always be there.  I never act on them but my mind does ‘try’ to talk me into starving myself when I’ve gained a few pounds.  Believe me, that voice is very loud and very convincing.  It’s this simple, I am stronger than the disease. 

I know that many people with anorexia simply do not care about poor nutrition or health. I know I certainly didn't. When anorexic, I didn't take multivitamins or calcium supplements. I never thought about the long term effects nor did anyone tell me that I would have osteoarthritis in my jaw by the time I was 25 from all those years of pulling on it when vomiting.  No, it’s not a pretty picture and it breaks my heart to think that I didn't care whether I lived or died!! Obviously I was able to overcome that deranged way of living and see with clarity now. For many years I’ve been trying to mend the damage of over a decade of malnutrition has had on my body, only to have to start all over again.

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."
Buddha

Vegan ME?

Being vegetarian, it’s a breeze! But this vegan thing, well, that has me confused and very freaked out. Why? A balanced vegan diet meets many current healthy eating recommendations such as eating more fruit, vegetables and whole grains and consuming less cholesterol and saturated fat. Balanced vegan diets are often rich in vitamins, antioxidants and fibre and can decrease the chances of suffering from diseases such as diabetes, heart disease, stroke and some cancers.

My reasons for this are simple. Yes, it’s better for the environment because it produces fewer greenhouse gas emissions than meat-based diets. Yes, Regardless of how they were raised, all animals farmed for food have the same fate: slaughter. For me it’s about wanting and NEEDING to feel better.

I have decided to try the 21 day Vegan Kickstart.

http://www.21daykickstart.org/index_new.cfm

Each day during the Kickstart, they send you tips, recipes and suggestions for every meal. There are tons of options that you can make gluten free also. You get to pick and choose how many recipes you make each day or week—They recommend trying to cook a big batch and eating off of it for a few days. This will save you time and keep you eating healthy meals. I recently purchased a great cookbook called Gluten Free Vegan by Susan O’Brien. For those of you cooking for one, you might check out the book Vegan Cooking for One by Leah Leneman.

I have felt much better since adopting both the gluten free and IBS diet. The same goes for vegetarianism but I’m not quite there. I am hoping that the vegan diet (along with the others) will make me feel like a new person!! What are my other options? I’ve tried everything else, why not give this a go? I do love a challenge and boy is this a challenge!! (Oh, how I love yogurt and cheese!) This girl has been through a lot and always comes up swinging!! Bring it on!!

UPDATE as of October 17th....

I did the challenge and knocked it out of the park!!  It was easier each day and by the end of it I didn't miss yogurt and cheese.  Soy yogurt is like eating your own vomit so I'm going to steer clear of that!!  I'm happy to report that I've been vegan for over 2 months and I feel like an entirely NEW person.  My bloating, cramps, stomach aches, water retention and headaches have subsided.  Why didn't I try this years ago?! 

~ Did you have a similar experience? If anyone would like to share their advice or delicious vegan products I’d love the recommendations!!

Roasted Vegetable Lasagna

1 large spaghetti squash, halved
1 large eggplant, sliced crosswise
2 red peppers, seeded and quartered
1 zucchini, halved, sliced crosswise
6 mushrooms, sliced
12 oven roasted tomatoes (recipe included)
1 jar gluten free marinara sauce
½ cup skim mozzarella
2 TBSP parmesan


Preheat oven to 375. Place squash on a baking sheet, place eggplant on a separate one, finally, the remainder vegetables (except tomatoes) on another baking sheet.  They will have separate cooking times so make sure to check them.  Brush all the vegetables with olive oil and salt and pepper.  Place in oven to roast approximately 12-15 minutes, they will be a light brown color.  Remove and set aside.


Place 1/3 cup marinara sauce on the bottom of a 9x13 pan and begin layering vegetables starting with eggplant, then sauce, then zucchini and peppers, then sauce, then mushrooms, squash and roasted tomatoes.  Finish with sauce and sprinkle with cheeses.  Bake in the oven for about 25 minutes or until cheese is light brown and bubbly.

 Slow Roasted Tomatoes

A  few bunches of vine-ripened tomatoes
Olive oil
Salt

Preheat oven to 275.  Cut the tomatoes in half horizontally.  Place on a baking sheet and rub with a small amount of olive oil and sprinkle with salt. Bake with seed side up for 3 hours or until they look almost sun-dried.  They will keep for a week in an airtight container.  Mine never last a week!! I munch on them like they were chips!  So very sweet and yummy!!

Sesame Crusted Tuna

Some days, I just can’t handle.  I get frustrated trying to figure out meals.  Something that everyone will enjoy is beyond my reach, some days.  Being creative with different flavours is all but disappeared with a seven year old.  He used to be very adventurous as a toddler, he’d eat whatever was put in front of him.  Now he turns his nose up at anything that he can’t recognize.  Where does this attitude come from? I have always been in the kitchen experimenting with recipes.  Some turn out perfectly and some become giant flops! When I watch Chef at Home from the Food Network it amazes me that Chef Michael has his 4 year old son eating crazy things that I may not even touch...How does he do that?? Yet, I try, I try, I try!!

 

In school he has said that when he grows up he wants to be a NHL player (who doesn’t? I still do!!) chef or baker. Hmmmmm, not with that attitude kid!!  He’s so stubborn.  Even when I know he’ll love something and beg him for a short while to just- have- ONE -bite, he spits it out with a disgusted look….SO STUBBORN!!  Maybe, just maybe he gets it from me.  Seeing his mom not able to eat many things because of allergies.  I mean things that I want really, really badly that I start frothing at the mouth.  

 

Could it ALL BE MY FAULT?  Great, more guilt!! Have I ruined my child’s appetite for culinary excellence for the rest of his life? “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

 

Here’s what’s for dinner tonight….

 

Sesame Crusted Tuna

 

 

Make sure you get a nice, big piece of FRESH tuna!!

 

Fresh whole tuna should be displayed buried in ice, while fillets and steaks should be placed on top of the ice. 
Smell can help you to determine if the tuna is fresh.  If it has a truly strong fishy odor, return it.

 

 

 

1 tablespoon chopped green onions
2 tablespoons gf soy sauce

2 tablespoons fresh orange juice
1 tablespoon rice vinegar
1 teaspoon brown sugar
2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
2 teaspoons honey
1 1/4 teaspoons prepared wasabi paste
1 teaspoon grated peeled fresh ginger
2 teaspoons vegetable oil
4 (6-ounce) tuna steaks (about 3/4 inch thick)
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons sesame seeds
2 tablespoons black sesame seeds
Sliced green onions (optional)

DIPPING SAUCE Combine first 10 ingredients.

SEARED TUNA Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Sprinkle tuna with salt. Combine sesame seeds in a shallow dish. Lightly coat Tuna in Soy sauce. Dredge tuna in sesame seeds. Add tuna to pan; cook 3 minutes on each side or until desired degree of doneness. Garnish with green onions, if desired. Serve with dipping sauce.

 

***Cross your fingers people!!